Bathroom Horror Stories & Rant

"Do you have a bathroom?"

"Yes, straight back in the left corner"

"Thanks", "Thank you", "Hey blah blah it's in the corner!", "Oh", "Where?", or "I'll be right back" are the common responses. How some people use the bathroom isn't common...

The Good:

Anyone who is a normal human being. Knows how to knock if they believe someone might be in there. Uses the trash can for trash. Knows how to flush and clean up after themselves for any reason.

The Bad:

Turns the door knob to realize it's locked, they don't believe it could possibly be in use so they bang and rattle the door while most likely scaring the shit outta someone using the toilet. "Hold on!!" is yelled a lot.

Sometimes guys enter the single person bathroom in groups as big as 4 I've seen. I can only image some using the sink.

Parents who let their little kids use this bathroom alone. They cannot reach the paper towel holder and usually use toilet paper to dry their hands and then like to drop it on the floor or leave it in the sink.

Homeless people keep stealing our soap, after we pin pointed who it was and said something to them we haven't seen them since.

Our bathroom is ghetto and has a doorbell ringer as a light switch, we wrote the word "LIGHT" above and below it to help some people not to be scared to touch it, but there are always stupid people. "There isn't any light in the bathroom."
"It's the doorbell, it's the light switch, hit it."
"I don't see it, HELP ME!"
Helping a grown person find a light switch is pretty annoying. Usually younger girls will not ask where the light is, they well just get one of their friends to stand in front of the door with it cracked a little bit for light.

Good lordy, why is there so much toilet paper on the floor? WHY?

Unflushed toilet, oh you giving me work to do?, thanks

The Ugly:

A pretty busy day, someone was already in the bathroom when a black lady had come running into the store and asked where the bathroom was right away. She ran back to the corner to find the door was locked. She couldn't wait...she pulled down her pants and took a shit on the floor right between the bathroom door and the soda cooler. She ran out as fast as she had done her business.

A way too pale white man didn't understand the directions to the bathroom, instead he found his way to our wine temperature controlled room and threw-up on an open wooden box of wine. Our wine guy was pissed and rushed in there to assess the damage, unfortunately upon seeing the up-chuck caused his gag reflex to produce his own and ...well just created more of mess.

Usually a few Mexicans (not being racist just stereotyping) if they use toilet paper they will throw the shit covered paper into the trash can. I was explained to by someone that in some houses they have poor pluming and the paper will clog the drain, but this isn't your house and that is sick and it stinks.

People who some how get shit on the toilet seat. These people are either breaking the rules of gravity, or they have bad aim, or don't know how to sit on a toilet properly. There has even been surprise poop on the floor a few times.

Pee on the seat, I'm not shocked. In fact if I didn't see pee on the seat I wouldn't know where I was.

Blood on the seat, gee thanks.

Little boy said to his mom "I got gum on my hands." "Well son go wash it off." Gum doesn't WASH OFF you dumb cunt, but it does rub off, gum on the door knob, gum on the faucet knobs, gum on the toilet handle, gum all over the wall. Weeeeeee

Given our bathroom is ghetto and very small it does NOT have a baby changing station. Any mother or father who lays their child down on a liquor store bathroom floor, I don't care if you do use a blanket for the baby to lay on, people piss on that floor night and day. It's child abuse and you should be ashamed of yourself for putting a shit filled diaper into our little trash can to stink up the place.

A young lady who was dressed in her perfect business skirt suit, asked for 5 cases of Heineken, she bitched about the price and asked for a discount. She felt she was buying a lot and deserved a discount, she was snobby, like her shit didn't stink... but then all of sudden she asked for the bathroom and disappeared for 20 minutes...and it did stink. She didn't get a discount and she didn't ask for one after her 20 minute vacation.

Piss on the floor? Water from the sink? Toilet water? Who knows, who cares what those puddles are. Place a paper towel over it and wipe it with the bottom of your shoe.

Women who think tampons can be flushed.

The floating tampon. Yeah you couldn't flush it so you left there, thanks.

Women who think it's ok to leave a bloody tampon or pad uncovered right on top of the top can. I am thankful it made it to the trash can but com'on wrap it up in toilet paper or at least place a paper towel over it.

Once upon a time we had a girl that worked there that could fill the bathroom up with a rank fish smell.

Does driving the liquor store give you the shits? For real, please don't stink up the store, it can and has happen way too many times.

People who sneak a bottle of whatever alcohol into the bathroom. Drink the contents of bottle and then try to hide the bottle by flushing it. It's not going to work.

"The toilet is overflowing, it's not my fault!!" It probably isn't their fault, it's from the women who flush their tampons and the people who think the toilet is a trash can for paper towels and god knows what else. It's even worse if the person who witnesses the toilet overflowing not to tell someone, a few times the water has ran and ran until it reached 2 isles of the store and on it's way to the counter. Sometimes there are fun surprises floating around too...

LOCK the door behind you! If you don't someone will walk in on you and you'll ruin their day or yours.

CLOSE the door, yes close it all the way PLEASE!

The mystery stain on the wall, it won't even come off with bleach. Oh well, it gives people something to think about while they're in there.

An older women was talking to me, asking me about where something was and how great it was, all awhile she was taking a huge shit in her depends. It was very hard not to notice the sounds of a massive poo being made. I was just glad she didn't leave her diaper in our trash can.

Men who think it's ok to use the side of our building as a bathroom. We are located on a busy route and I'm sure not all of the South bound drivers like what they see.

Poop Socks have been found in our parking lot and on the side of the building. Just in case you don't know, poop socks are found when someone takes a massive poop outside and they really really wish they had toilet paper, so they sacrifice a sock to clean themselves and leave the poor sock behind.

Human poop has been found out front on a yellow parking space line where two cars where probably (hopefully) parked.

Flagged Pen!!

This guy is buying a 12-pack of beer, he pays with a credit card, as the credit card machine is thinking about approving this guy I put a pen down for him to use in about 5 seconds. He picks up the pen and taps it on the counter a bit and then asks "Do you have a bathroom?"

"Yes, in the corner, straight back."

Then he takes off for the bathroom with the pen in his hand... Meanwhile the credit card machine spits out his approval. There's 2 things wrong with this, why didn't he wait to finish his transactor and why the hell did he take my pen into the bathroom??

So he returns...the pen is still in his hand, he signs for this beer and leaves the pen on the counter. I claimed the pen was flagged and pushed it off the counter onto the floor, it landed behind our newsstand of free stuff to read.

The very next customer that came up, he was an older man who talked too loud. This guy sees the pen and says "Whoa free pen!" grabs it up and sticks it in his shirt pocket. Again there's 2 things wrong with this, he should of checked the pen to see if it wrote first...maybe or um...he should of asked if it was mine pen. Oh well, I hope he enjoyed his free pee pen.

Your receipt is your trash

It's well known that no one wants a store receipt for a six-pack beer, so our reggy's are set-up to not print a receipt unless we tell it to. I usually hit the print button for people who: complain about how much their total was, or if they spent anywhere close to $80ish and up, or anyone who says "Did you include my case discount?". My store receipt system really works well... but the receipts that are pissing me off are credit card receipts.

It is required that I give you a credit card receipt, it is NOT required that you leave it on the counter, or tell me to throw it away for you. Just fucking take the damn piece of paper and throw in the garage can out front by the door. It's really not hard to be responsible to protect your own identity. This little piece of paper you leave on my counter has the last 4 digits of your card, what type of card you have and your full name on it. I don't know how people go about stealing another's identity but I pretty sure you leaving that receipt behind well help them out a great deal.

It is not my job to tear up your unwanted half of your credit card receipt, the MOST I'll do is crumple it up and toss it at a trash can, or sometimes it'll fall off the counter where anyone can take it, or sometimes an angry clerk will pick it up and throw it at another clerk, who then throws it back and some how it'll end up on a shelf next to Jim Beam.

I find it rude when you ask me to throw it away for you, or just leave it on the counter, like you can't find a proper place for your own trash. Grow the fuck up, tear up your receipt and throw it in a trash can.

OMG you are so funny...now stop it

It's so funny when I say your total and you go to hand me your money and you pull it away. OMG I'm going to piss myself laughing, you are too funny and clever for me...

For the record I have never laughed but I have taken your stuff off the counter and waited on the next person who has passed the 5th grade.

Good lordy, why do you think it's so funny? Ah, that's right you aren't at work and you thought you'd cheer me up by making my job a joke....gee thanks

Once a man did this to the Boss on a super busy holiday, constant lines of 20-30 people long waited behind our 3 registers. Now the Boss has no patience when it's crowed like that, this guy was trying to buy 2 singles of cans of budweiser and he did the pull the money away trick about 3 times. So the Boss grabs one of the cans and slams it on the counter so hard the beer exploded in a stream straight up to the ceiling. Then says "Can I help the next person who wants to buy something!" The guy apologize, paid for the 2 beers and ran out with the 1 good can left.

Reusable Bags are NOT shopping baskets

We have for sale those earth friendly reusable canvas bags that holds 6 bottles of wine or whatever you want. We have a little display of them in the wine section of our store. Also at the front of the store are shopping carts and shopping baskets, but I guess having those things at the front of the store makes no sense because you haven't picked up anything yet...

At least once a week I get a person that grabs one of those bags, opens it up by breaking the little plastic ring and fills it up with things they want to buy. They walk up to the counter and push this bag up towards me. So I take everything out to ring it up, then I ring up the bag, all of sudden I've done something wrong as they say "Oh I don't want the bag, it was just easier to carry that way." "We have shopping baskets and carts for that." I say but they roll their eyes like I'm the one who's stupid and rude.

Yesterday it happened again, I said my usually "We have shopping baskets and carts for that.." and then I continued "You broke the ring on this one, now I have to fix it somehow and walk it back, they are not free to use like this." Then I threw the bag behind me without a care.

Borrowing...

Happens at least 2 to 3 times an average day, a customer will want to buy something but doesn't have the money to pay for it and usually say "Can I bring back the $1 later?" or "Can you let me slide?" or even ask the person behind them for a dollar. I don't know if this happens at other stores like maybe a grocery store or even at a wal-mart type store, definitely can't see it happening at a nice department store. But I feel it's the lowest of the low to even dare ask me if you can steal a dollar from my store, or take money out of my pocket to pay for your alcohol.

Sure sure, I have heard "I come here all the time, I promise to bring back a dollar later" thing, but why is it that I don't recognize you? I've been working here for 11 years and I don't know you, weird, lying to me isn't going to get you your beer either. I really don't care about how bad of day you have had, or that your wife left you, or that your children are ugly, all those things does not give you a right to take from me, or my store, or other customers.

Last time I checked we were a store that exchanges goods for money. This money pays for more products, the building and my paycheck, so don't fuck around with my goods, you are fucking with my money. If you don't have the money, you can't have the goods, it's as easy as that.

So tonight a group of black guys come in, bring up 5 22ozs of Bud's and ask for a 1/2 pint of E+J. Their total was $8 something and they were holding a total of $6 between the 3 of them and look at me and say "We are so close, can you let us slide?" I laughed while saying "No" so they dump the 5 pennies out of the penny cup, searching their pockets for change, one runs out to the car to dig up some type of money. Now they were about 80 cents off, "Comon' we are so close, I come in here all the time, I'll bring it back" "Nope, I don't like being short and getting fired, just put something back." I said. They wouldn't let up and neither would I. Finally they chose to downgrade the 1/2 pint to a 1/4 pint.

They are walking to their car when another customer is about to walk in the door, they stop him and ask "Hey man you got a dollar? Help us out man." The guy gives them a dollar and they run back in and exchange the 1/4 pint for a 1/2. Fucking sick in my opinion. The guy walks up and sees their exchange for the 1/2 pint and he says to me after the door closed behind them "Sooo they already had gotten stuff.... "

"I'm mot runk!"

I heard the clink of many bottles, I look up to see a young lady with her body smushed up against a display of Jose Cuervo. She stumbles away from the display as if running into never happened and says to me "Do do you have Everglo?" Now she could of been trying to say Everclear which is a grain alcohol, or she really wanted Everglo which is a tequila/vodka liquor that glows in the dark and tastes like ...something that would glow in the dark. Anyway I said "No, we haven't had that in a long time." "OOh to bad." she said and sorta of stumble her way down an isle away from me.

The boss just happened to walking by and followed her and gave me the eye to watch the cameras. I heard him ask her if he could help her find something but she keep saying "I'm ust oooking" and walked really fast up and down our 5 isles of liquor, back and forth. The boss was walking along the end of the isle to watch her but she kept moving. She couldn't walk straight and couldn't stand still without swaying. She was just a drunk mess.

Finally she picks up a bottle of green apple pucker and shoves it in her small purse, it's bottle neck was sticking out and she tried to cover it with her arm. The boss says "Now put the back miss and leave my store." Shaking his head in disappoint at her. "Put what back?" He pointed to the bottle neck sticking out, "Oh I was gonna pay for that, I ave money, I can't carry it, I have back problems." She started to walk pass him but he grabbed the neck of the bottle and pulled out the bottle, "Leave now" he said. She heads towards the door and stops to look at us wonderful cashiers and says "Sooooo you won't wait on someone with back problems!! I have money!" as she stumbles into our shopping carts and then has to hold on to them to keep herself from falling. "You have had enough already, bye miss" the boss said. "Huuh, I'm not runk.....  FUCK YOU!" she says as she fumbles for the door. "You too!" I yell back. "Hmmph" I heard as she left.

We watched her make her way to car parked at the end of the lot. If she was driving the cops were going to be called but she was a passenger. I felt sorry for the driver.

Alrightly, now it's illegal to sell to someone who is clearly already drunk, but they are allowed to be high, or stoned, tweaked, it doesn't matter as long as you're not drunk. When someone is drunk they don't want to hear the word "no", being denied something is worth destroying something, a bottle maybe, a shelf maybe, some one's face maybe. We usually let them wonder the isles until they slip up on their own such as stealing, or almost knocking something over, or asking another customer for a kiss, or yelling. Giving them a reason for being kicked out is better, then they feel more like the badass they really are...