Saturday, April 9, 2011

Bathroom Horror Stories & Rant

"Do you have a bathroom?"

"Yes, straight back in the left corner"

"Thanks", "Thank you", "Hey blah blah it's in the corner!", "Oh", "Where?", or "I'll be right back" are the common responses. How some people use the bathroom isn't common...

The Good:

Anyone who is a normal human being. Knows how to knock if they believe someone might be in there. Uses the trash can for trash. Knows how to flush and clean up after themselves for any reason.

The Bad:

Turns the door knob to realize it's locked, they don't believe it could possibly be in use so they bang and rattle the door while most likely scaring the shit outta someone using the toilet. "Hold on!!" is yelled a lot.

Sometimes guys enter the single person bathroom in groups as big as 4 I've seen. I can only image some using the sink.

Parents who let their little kids use this bathroom alone. They cannot reach the paper towel holder and usually use toilet paper to dry their hands and then like to drop it on the floor or leave it in the sink.

Homeless people keep stealing our soap, after we pin pointed who it was and said something to them we haven't seen them since.

Our bathroom is ghetto and has a doorbell ringer as a light switch, we wrote the word "LIGHT" above and below it to help some people not to be scared to touch it, but there are always stupid people. "There isn't any light in the bathroom."
"It's the doorbell, it's the light switch, hit it."
"I don't see it, HELP ME!"
Helping a grown person find a light switch is pretty annoying. Usually younger girls will not ask where the light is, they well just get one of their friends to stand in front of the door with it cracked a little bit for light.

Good lordy, why is there so much toilet paper on the floor? WHY?

Unflushed toilet, oh you giving me work to do?, thanks

The Ugly:

A pretty busy day, someone was already in the bathroom when a black lady had come running into the store and asked where the bathroom was right away. She ran back to the corner to find the door was locked. She couldn't wait...she pulled down her pants and took a shit on the floor right between the bathroom door and the soda cooler. She ran out as fast as she had done her business.

A way too pale white man didn't understand the directions to the bathroom, instead he found his way to our wine temperature controlled room and threw-up on an open wooden box of wine. Our wine guy was pissed and rushed in there to assess the damage, unfortunately upon seeing the up-chuck caused his gag reflex to produce his own and ...well just created more of mess.

Usually a few Mexicans (not being racist just stereotyping) if they use toilet paper they will throw the shit covered paper into the trash can. I was explained to by someone that in some houses they have poor pluming and the paper will clog the drain, but this isn't your house and that is sick and it stinks.

People who some how get shit on the toilet seat. These people are either breaking the rules of gravity, or they have bad aim, or don't know how to sit on a toilet properly. There has even been surprise poop on the floor a few times.

Pee on the seat, I'm not shocked. In fact if I didn't see pee on the seat I wouldn't know where I was.

Blood on the seat, gee thanks.

Little boy said to his mom "I got gum on my hands." "Well son go wash it off." Gum doesn't WASH OFF you dumb cunt, but it does rub off, gum on the door knob, gum on the faucet knobs, gum on the toilet handle, gum all over the wall. Weeeeeee

Given our bathroom is ghetto and very small it does NOT have a baby changing station. Any mother or father who lays their child down on a liquor store bathroom floor, I don't care if you do use a blanket for the baby to lay on, people piss on that floor night and day. It's child abuse and you should be ashamed of yourself for putting a shit filled diaper into our little trash can to stink up the place.

A young lady who was dressed in her perfect business skirt suit, asked for 5 cases of Heineken, she bitched about the price and asked for a discount. She felt she was buying a lot and deserved a discount, she was snobby, like her shit didn't stink... but then all of sudden she asked for the bathroom and disappeared for 20 minutes...and it did stink. She didn't get a discount and she didn't ask for one after her 20 minute vacation.

Piss on the floor? Water from the sink? Toilet water? Who knows, who cares what those puddles are. Place a paper towel over it and wipe it with the bottom of your shoe.

Women who think tampons can be flushed.

The floating tampon. Yeah you couldn't flush it so you left there, thanks.

Women who think it's ok to leave a bloody tampon or pad uncovered right on top of the top can. I am thankful it made it to the trash can but com'on wrap it up in toilet paper or at least place a paper towel over it.

Once upon a time we had a girl that worked there that could fill the bathroom up with a rank fish smell.

Does driving the liquor store give you the shits? For real, please don't stink up the store, it can and has happen way too many times.

People who sneak a bottle of whatever alcohol into the bathroom. Drink the contents of bottle and then try to hide the bottle by flushing it. It's not going to work.

"The toilet is overflowing, it's not my fault!!" It probably isn't their fault, it's from the women who flush their tampons and the people who think the toilet is a trash can for paper towels and god knows what else. It's even worse if the person who witnesses the toilet overflowing not to tell someone, a few times the water has ran and ran until it reached 2 isles of the store and on it's way to the counter. Sometimes there are fun surprises floating around too...

LOCK the door behind you! If you don't someone will walk in on you and you'll ruin their day or yours.

CLOSE the door, yes close it all the way PLEASE!

The mystery stain on the wall, it won't even come off with bleach. Oh well, it gives people something to think about while they're in there.

An older women was talking to me, asking me about where something was and how great it was, all awhile she was taking a huge shit in her depends. It was very hard not to notice the sounds of a massive poo being made. I was just glad she didn't leave her diaper in our trash can.

Men who think it's ok to use the side of our building as a bathroom. We are located on a busy route and I'm sure not all of the South bound drivers like what they see.

Poop Socks have been found in our parking lot and on the side of the building. Just in case you don't know, poop socks are found when someone takes a massive poop outside and they really really wish they had toilet paper, so they sacrifice a sock to clean themselves and leave the poor sock behind.

Human poop has been found out front on a yellow parking space line where two cars where probably (hopefully) parked.

1 comment:

  1. Wow. I thought I had seen a lot, having worked retail (old ladies in Craft Stores, need i say more?) but holy moly. I get the poop-on-the-seat thing. One of my fellow Welfare Office coworkers has this problem and I just DON'T understand HOW HOW HOW!!!