Sunday, January 2, 2011

Cash Money

Cash money is the fastest way to pay...sometimes. Did you know that when you go into a store that you need money to purchase things you want? Whoa, it's just a concept that is too hard for some people. Here is how paying with cash can slow down time to a stand still.

Your total is lets say $9.99, I bet you have that 99 cents. Oh but it's not just at the bottom of your purse or in 5 different pockets of your coat, that change is outside in your car. You go get your change while I wait for you because getting back a penny in change is too much for you to bear. I hate you be the way.

Also if you are a 'I have the change' type people, if you can't count or you count way to slow, math is not your friend, please stop wasting my life or other peoples time.

Or your total is something like $10.75, in your hand you are holding a ten dollar bill, a twenty dollar bill and a hundred dollar bill, ok you got the money now give me that twenty...and then you say "I don't wanna break my twenty" First you'll look in your pockets for change, but no luck it's not enough, then you look at me and even ask me "Can you let me slide for 75 cents? It's just 75 cents anyway." Whoa there big baller, that's almost a dollar, "I work at a liquor store, you think I'm rich??" I respond "You have the money, so pay it or don't get it." I hate you very much. These people not only do this once, they do it every time. They also will ask the person behind them in line if they can spot them the change, you make me sick by the way.

Next there's always a bunch of people everyday who barely have enough to buy a signal can of beer. They pay with pennies, ash tray money and also money that looks like it was stolen from a wishing well, all corroded and dirty. These people also depend on the take a penny leave a penny tray to survive. Some of the regular take a penny dependers when I see them coming I'll empty out the tray into the register before they come up to the counter, sometimes if they see there is a lot of pennies in there they will go and get a bigger can of beer. That's NOT what the tray is for in my opinion, I'll probably go into that rant later.

Then there are the money spreaders, they will count out their money but lay it all over the counter in no order. This money is very hard to pick up and also these people usually keep it closer to there side of the counter which forces me to lean over to gather it up.

Money throwers, they'll throw their dollar bills towards you on the counter. In the summer we usually have a fan on somewhere and this money will fly away in mid-air. Also there are the people who hand the dollars to me like a normal human being would BUT they throw their change on the counter, any idiot knows when you throw coins onto a table it'll bounce or roll away.

Hidden money! You keep your money in your sock, or maybe your bra, or even in your underwear, you are so smart. If you got robbed the crook will never find your money....and I don't want to touch you money. I'll let you lay it down on the counter and count it with my eyes as you count it in your hand, then I'll hand you your change and say "Have a good one." When you turn to leave I'll take a paper bag and sweep your money into a cigar box for dirty money and extra rolls of change we keep under the counter.

Sweaty/wet money, gee thanks. I don't know why it's wet. I hope you fell into the water or went swimming earlier. Sometimes sweaty or wet money is hard to see but so easy to find when touching. After you hand it to me I'll throw it to the empty spot towards the right of the register for it to dry. Alright even if your money is dirty and gross, it's still money, it still buys stuff congrats to you by the way.

The correct way to hand me money is that you hand me your money the same way you would want me to hand you your change. Yes, it's that easy! You can do it, I have lost faith in most people but at least 50% of you know what you are doing. I can't wait till I snap and start throwing money at people the way they so-call 'hand it' to me.

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