Credit or Debit?

Why did the person who invented the word 'debit' name it that? It should be something completely  different sounding than it's partner 'credit'. When I ask which you want half the time I can't hear your answer with people on their cell phone, people singing in the store, kids wanting candy, and the lottery fucks rambling off their numbers.

It's really not your fault, but please speak up. I will run your card through the a way you don't like it because I don't like repeating myself. I'm not the one whispering like it's a secret.

Older people usually have no idea what credit or debit is. Yes, I can clearly see that you have bank card and it has a Visa or MasterCard symbol on it, I see the name of your bank and also the word Debit. Just because those visa or MasterCard symbol is on your card does NOT make it a credit card. You will not get a bill at the end of the month where you can choose to pay a little or all, instead it'll come right out of you bank account. Why am I'm explaining this to you? Don't you have a bank you go to where people should be talking to you about this?

OMG does your bank charge you for using debit? OMG that is shocking! ....no not really, please stop talking about how much you hate your current bank.

We have an a credit card machine sort of like this one

You can't run it through yourself like at those fancy grocery stores or Walmart. There's a pin pad for debit users located on the counter close to your right for your convenience. If you want credit and like to whisper it, DO NOT stand in front of the pin pad like you want to enter your pin number.

Now when you hand me your card I am going to hold onto your card until the piece of paper that says "Approved" pops out. There's very good reasons for me to hold onto your card

1.  Sometimes our phone line will disconnect the transaction and I'll have to enter it again. I promise I'm not charging you twice, it's always been this way since the beginning of time. It's easier for me to run it again when it's in MY hand, rather then asking to see your card again that you already put away and also to take the time to tell you about how it disconnected.
2. If I handed you your card back right away you might pick up your stuff and leave. I still need you sign. I still need to make sure it was approved. It might disconnect the transaction.
3. I'm suppose to check to make sure this card is yours. I look at the back while you sign your slip to confirm the signature is sort of close.

Oh but your afraid I'll forget to give you back your card? Well out of my 11+ plus years of doing this job I've only forgotten twice out of millions of billions of transactions and both those times I can blame you - You wondered off before the 'approved' paper popped out.

I hold your card in my hand the whole time, it helps me to rip the paper slip off the machine in one clean sweep. You can hold your hand out the whole time, I don't care. If you asked for your card back, I'll say "In a moment, I'm not done with it."

When you hand me your card do not look around for something else to buy, your card is in progressed of being charged. I can't add stuff to a transaction already in progress. And NO I will not run your card again for a 25 cent slim jim or a pack of gum. You must spend at least $2 for me to slide your card.

C.I.D or Ask for ID is what some people write on the back of their cards. If this is you, why do you roll your eyes when I ask for you id? You put it there. And why do some of you, you won't hand me your id, you hold it out but you don't let me touch it. I'm lucky to have 20/20 vision, but please either hold it closer to where my eyes are on level or just hand me your ID. I don't want to keep it or get it dirty, I promise. I'm just trying to match the name on the card to your ID, that's what you want right?

Signature on the back of your card is blank. Hey did you know that I can refuse your card because of that? It says it right under that white box on you card 'not valid until signed'. Oh boy, I bet someone would love to find your card, they can sign it anyway they want and no one would say anything to them, it'll be legit theirs.

OMG your card declined!!!
"Why?" you ask
"Uh it said declined, I don't know why" aka - other then either you are a loser, you have very little money in the bank, you were at your limit, your bank sucks and you always have problems with you card. I don't know WHY your card declined, our little machine does NOT tell me anything about you and your life.

A long time ago, maybe 6 years a lady lost her credit card. She remembered the last place and time she used it. Of course it was at my store oh and I was on duty oh and I rang her up. The cops came to my work asked for who was working at such and such time and took me aside. WTF? They claimed I stole her card because it was being used later that same day. Lets look at the camera, we re-winded to that time of day she was in and sure enough there I was and I handed her card back right there on tape. I was apologized to by the officer right there.

Then there was the time we found a credit card stuck in the metal grids of the bottom of the exit door. We put it in our little lost and found and forgot about it. The next day a lady comes in saying "You kept my card!! You stole it!!" Whoa whoa there lady I don't want your money, "What is your name?" and I looked at the latest card in the lost and found and bingo it was her. She also apologized and thanked me a million times, especially after I told her where we found it.

It's amazing how you think I'm out to get you. I don't care about your money, all I want is what you owe the store and that you leave.