Monday, January 3, 2011

Lottery F's

There are many different types of Lottery players, but Lottery Fucks are the worst by far. Here are the different types of Lottery players

  • Everdayer - will play everyday, I might even have their numbers memorized.
  • Plays when it's big - they don't know what they want but they want it all, they only play Mega Millions or Powerball
  • Lottery Noob - they have no idea and I don't want to spend 3 hours explaining to them. Even simple things like a scratch-off where all you have to do is match 3 like symbols is too much for them to handle. They also think they should pick their own numbers but don't know how or what numbers are....
  • Easy Going - these people are very easy going and will even wait patiently to be waited on. Some people have bad habit of thinking the lottery is our main line of business
  • Has their own cards under counter - They play the same numbers over and over again, so many times we are sick of typing them in so we filled out cards for them
  • Card People - I love you guys, so easy to just run cards, nothing can go wrong
  • Scatchy - these people are annoying, some can even go under the  LF category. They buy 1 or 3 scratch-off tickets and stand at the counter to scratch them. Then buy more, scratch more, buy more, win something, spend it all on scratch-offs, stand in the way, buy more and repeat. They make a mess with that starch-off dust all over the counter and floor. 
  • Office Player - they come in with a wide of dollar bills and a list of names, sometimes they have 20 cards filled out but only have one play on each card
  • Lottery Fucks or LF's - complete and total assholes. They take too long, they are never ready, they are never done, they play everyday, sometimes midday and evening numbers but come in twice just in case one of their numbers hit the midday, they spend too much money on stupid numbers, they believe they have a system or know some type of number secret. They are full of themselves and feel it's just to be waited on first instead of someone buying liquor. They can't wait but are not ready... They can play up to $10 of numbers to a million, the amount of money they spend isn't what classifies them as a LF, it's the amount of time they waste of my life and others in line that makes them a LF. They always claim I typed in a wrong number or did something wrong because I must be out to get their money. I hate you.
  • Poor LF's - they will claim I typed in a number wrong to get a refund and play a totally different number, usually they are just LF's
Ok so everyone hates LF's, so to cheer us up when one of them comes in we hum a little song that goes like this
"Lottery Fucks, Lottery Fucks
They ruin your dinner, They ruin your lunch"
It's in the tune of that old Kit Kat commercial, that goes 'Give me a break, Give me a break of that kit kat bar!' Never fails, when ever my order of a nice hot pizza arrives here comes a LF to waste 30+ minutes of my life and my pizza gets cold.

Do you call your local liquor store and ask for the most recent lottery numbers? If you said "yes of course, there isn't any other way in the whole wide world to get these numbers." Well you are a dumb ass, you can look it up online, call the lottery's auto phone line of recent numbers, watch the drawing on tv, watch the news, read a newspaper, stuff your head up your ass. Any of those ways are better then calling a store to ask a stupid question and waste our lives.

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